Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
