also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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