I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
