If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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