I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
