Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I think my vagina is haunted
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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