Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
