everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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