whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I enjoy the company of your penis
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
