After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
