i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
