I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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