Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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