he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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