can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
