So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
