fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
