Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
