Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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