He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
