Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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