Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
