i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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