Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
