Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
