She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
