dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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