I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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