I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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