well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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