It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
