I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
