Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
