i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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