Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
