And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
