I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
