i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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