If i could tip my vagina, i would.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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