She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize