Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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