I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
