i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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