Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
