i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
