That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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