Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
