The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
