The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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