I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
