idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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