he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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