Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
