i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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