very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
me + whiskey = a bad person
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
