then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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