I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
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