he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
