my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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