I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
