If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
As shirtless as possible
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
