Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
