I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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