The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
