I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
