quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
