My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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