I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
