I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just gift wrapped bread.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
