I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
