why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
