Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize