oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
