ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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