So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
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