Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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