Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
