Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize