just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
