yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Please don't give away my fajitas
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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