My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
