she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
