Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize