at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
