My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I think I am morally bankrupt
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
