whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I cannot find my penis.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
