Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
