Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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