she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Never underestimate the power of titties
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