i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
