DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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