Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Your tits are I can't wait for
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize