I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
