I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
