Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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