I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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