I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
