either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize