By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
