So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
