I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
