She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You have to summon your inner elephant
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
