i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
