Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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