why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
