i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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