Heybabeimwearingurpanties
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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