Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize