just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
