Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Semen is not good for contacts.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
